But I'm a completionist and I'm not so distressed as to be defeated. Today, I finally present the final part of the Dragons of Tarkir Commons in White for Standard Pauper! We shall see that we've got some nice-smelling dudes as well as some real stinkers here, a nice balance for the color that does everything. Let's get this done!
WHITE
We lead off our final critiques with nary a nasty criticism of this card. Rebound as a mechanic is nearly guaranteed to grant value. Here, the simple +2/+2 boost that Paupers have known how to utilize as either pushing through damage or as removal in creature combat is applied to the mechanic. And it works on every level that a Magic card should. It's simple and elegant in design, is efficiently costed, and the artwork is, well, artful. I'm sure Heroic decks in Standard Pauper are going to want to run this card and I'll bet it will continue to see play even after that mechanic leaves us when Theros block gets replaced by the return to Zendikar.
Cabel's Critique: WIN
Aven Tactician
By now it should be clear that Bolster is going to be one of those forgotten mechanics. It's not as irritating horrible or uncreative as Megamorph, but it does end up making us pay more mana than usual for creatures like 2/3 white flyers. I cannot see this making an impact in Standard Pauper if none of the other Bolster dudes haven't been enlisted in winning decks yet. Aven Tactician is no exception. It's too pricey for too little value in this format.
Cabel's Critique: FAIL
Center Soul
From a purely flavor perspective, this card is win thanks to the monk-like nature of the name and artwork applied to this effect. With that taken into consideration and everything I said about rebound above, how can this card not win instantly? It may take Standard Pauper players some time to make lots of use of Center Soul as white Heroic decks have plenty of options similar to this. But as a (somewhat) experienced Zen meditation practitioner myself, I can attest to the fact that it does take time and hard work to center oneself. Maybe we find out that this is better than, dare I say it, God's Willing, since you can protect a creature twice - let's say once to save it from removal and once to break through the enemy ranks - and get two +1/+1 counters out of a single card instead of the usual single boost. I expect great things in this specific format for this perfectly designed Magic card.
Cabel's Critique: WIN
Champion of Arashin
A word on lifelink: it's deceptively powerful in Standard Pauper. Up until now, we've seen no creature bearing this ability with a power higher than two (the best example was Seraph of Dawn, one of the best commons ever printed!). Even then, a 1/x Lifelinker is still a 2-point swing to your opponents face, and that is always good. This naughty dog is the first time a power greater than two has been applied to a creature with Lifelink. Sure, there's no evasion and his butt's not that big, but still: every time this fellow connects with another creature (likely killing it in battle) you're gaining three life. And every time it gets through to damage your opponent, the game is swung six-points in your favor. That's a six point life swing for two mana less than your investment. Will this be enough to make it? I'm thinking so. But I'm sure many are on the fence. It's not close to a loser at all, but I'm not solid on it being an all-out winner. A passing grade that alludes to what can be done to make this guy get there is more appropriate...
Cabel's Critique: PUMP
Dragon's Eye Sentry
Curse my inner child that just won't die! I still love walls that look good on paper. Now that I'm much older and much (much!) more critical, it takes a lot to get me interested in a critter with Defender. Considering this, Sentry is the best I've ever seen. It actually represents a perfect example of why removing the mechanic from the Wall creature type was correct: lots of Monks in real life are very well trained in the martial arts. But if we've ever seen classic karate films like The Karate Kid or Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (the '90s version, guys, not the new schlock!) then we should know well that martial arts teachers like Mr. Miyagi and Master Splinter were very clear on how to use the deadly knowledge of Eastern combat:
Self-defense. Never, ever in anger or aggression. And that is precisely how you defeat the enemy who is consumed with rage to the point of initiating an unjust attack on you and your family and brothers in arms. Self-defense.
Comes now the Dragon's Eye Sentry, who will likely not be a staple card in any competitive environment. But for a Zen Buddhist with some pals who have studied various Eastern fighting styles for years, this is just a beautiful example of how Magic: the Gathering cards can be a vehicle for the expression of fantasy, culture, and philosophy all in one. It makes perfect sense that a Monk would stay home and refuse to attack...and be able to strike first with his mastery of the arts of self-defense backing him up. 1/3 for one mana with Defender and First strike is as perfect as it can get. I almost want to buy extra copies of this and send it to my friends who don't play Magic but are martial arts enthusiasts. They'd understand. I hope you do, too, when I declare this the most perfect design in White...and the entire set.
Cabel's Critique: WIN!
Yawn. Yes, tap-down creatures in white are nice. But they're nicer when they can at least attack and deal damage. A power of zero means zero offensive capabilities. And cards like Goldmeadow Harrier were good because they could tap a creature down for a single mana. This one demands an investment of two mana per turn. One would think that this extra cost would let the lady half enemies in the air. But no. They just had to put the words "without flying" in that clause. Which makes even less sense when the design team packed Dragons of Tarkir full of, well, dragons. That fly. That makes this piece a waste of cardboard, especially when I consider the artwork and flavor text: it's a stock piece of a wizard not even wearing robes and the quote amounts to an obvious attempt at making a poor excuse as to why Dunecaster can only tap down nonflyers. Gimme a break. Can't fool me. This is another one of those bad cards printed because "bad cards need to..." I can't even bring myself to finish the quote.
Cabel's Critique: FAIL
Dromoka Warrior
Here we have the obligatory 3/1 for two mana. This time it's a Warrior. And it's not a kitty cat, either. I don't see the current 3/1's for two being played much in Standard Pauper. This is the fourth time these stats have been printed in the bottom right corner with a converted mana cost of two in the upper right. In fact, this returns us to a time when it's possible to run two 3/1's for 1W in White Weenie Aggro decks (since Oreskos Swiftclaw debuted in M15 while Gatecrash's Daring Skyjek was still legal) but even then, it was rare to see both being run alongside each other. That one-toughness means Red and Black sweepers can knock you out. And without some kind of extra bonus like Skyjek had, it's probably worth it to run dudes with a bit more toughness tha can survive long enough to connect than to act like a red mage and throw a bunch of 3/1's on the board only to get blown out by Scouring Sands. Still, it's good on paper, and it brings the beats, so it can't be as bad as fail...
Cabel's Critique: BEATS
Man these critiques are getting long! I can make short work of this obviously bad card, though. Five mana is too much to be reliable in Standard Pauper. You'd have to be playing Sealed or Singleton to consider something so pricey. Again, Bolster is fail as a mechanic. So this card is fail as a card. 'Nuff said!
Cabel's Critique: FAIL
Fate Forgotten
Another brief comment: this is nothing but Revoke Existence moved from sorcery to instant speed for one extra colorless mana. That's fine. But it's also not good. I suppose we'll get our 1W instant speed version of this a few years down the road so that R&D can maintain the "creep" half of "power creep." And that's fine, too. But it's still fail!
Cabel's Critique: FAIL
Oh, my eyes! This is a good card! For a single white mana, we get to do three things. First, we target a creature, triggering whatever Heroic and/or Prowess triggers lined up on the battlefield. Then, we tap down a blocker for the target to get through. As if that wasn't enough, the dude now gets another extra power boost and the creature is made much more difficult to kill. Nice shining artwork and perfectly centered text make it even more aesthetically pleasing. Asking for flash as a prerequisite for a total win would probably be asking too much. This piece is just enough to win in Standard Pauper and it looks just as fantastic as it plays.
Cabel's Critique: WIN
Herald of Dromoka
It's not often we see a Lord style creature at common. Even without the static ability giving your Warriors the ability to swing without turning sideways so you can mount a solid defense, a 2/2 vigilance for Grizzly Bear cost is usually quite nice in Standard Pauper. I'm not sure whether or not a Warriors deck is possible with the printing of Herald of Dromoka. That's dependent on the quality of the other Warriors in the card pool. But it's still a win on it's face alone. There's a pleasing reference to how music is essential to combat, too!
Cabel's Critique: WIN
Compare what we get here for 1W with what the previous card gave us. This is much worse by comparison. When you can get a 2/2 with an extra keyword and board effect for the same cost without doing any work, why would you want something that can be killed much easier and requires extra effort to get the full benefit? Maybe as a piece in a Warriors deck, but it will need the help of both Herald and something else that grants plus-one counters to make it worthwhile. It needs too much help to win, and so the final verdict is in:
Cabel's Critique: FAIL
Misthoof Kirin
I've not been too kind to Megamorph cards in my vast criticisms. This is not the best of the bunch, then; its merely the not-worst of the worst. One would never toss down a 2/1 flyer with vigilance (and vigilant creatures with a power higher than their toughness don't make sense from a flavor perspective) but to get a 2/2 vanilla dude on turn three and turn it into a 3/2 flyer with mana left over to do something else on turn four seems okay. Not great, but not okay.
A final criticism is...what the hell is a "Kirin" anyway? WotC has enough Magic-specific intellectual property already. If it looks like a goat, with the face of a goat, the horns of a goat, and the hooves a goat, then I have to judge this non-win, non-fail card for what it clearly is:
Cabel's Critique: GOAT
Finally! A reprint that is actually relevant! One that was inexplicably removed from the last core set and is now available again in the metagame. Pacifism belongs in Standard Pauper. This printing keeps alive the tradition of humorous flavor text as well. It even contains a veiled reference to a very interesting intellectual topic: Chaos Theory! Considering how familiar all Magic players should be with this card, there's no reason to take my critique any further.
Cabel's Critique: WIN
Resupply
Tut tut! Six mana for six life is just no good. Life gain is not good to begin with! In the past, we've been able to gain eight life on two mana or even less! We've seen gaining life on creatures be relatively good, too. At two mana or less! And in a metagame where Treasure Cruise exists (one of the only formats you can still play this card!) then drawing three cards for a single mana is the benchmark. Drawing one card for six-freaking mana? I'd better quit critiquing this card before I rip into R&D for the fallacious "bad cards need to exist" deal...again...
Cabel's Critique: FAIL!
Once again, I'm not impressed with Bolster at all. Neither is anybody else in Standard Pauper competitive play. This could get you an 3/3 for 3 easily. But we need more than that. I still remember how great Ballynock Cohort was, almost always a 3/3 with First Strike for the same cost. That was a good card. This one is not. And what does a wall of sand have to do with making a wizard stronger in combat anyway? This card is fail on all fronts. Somebody in R&D probably had sand in their - well, you know :-)
Cabel's Critique: FAIL
Sandstorm Charger
This card is bad. Bad! Megamorph is bad. It's a slap right to my face because it's bad. It's bad. This card is really bad....
Bad bad!
And design team has to answer right now cuz I'll tell you once again (who's bad?)
Y'know it!? Dah! Y'know!? Shcka-how? Sha-moan! Dah! Hee-hee!
Cabel's Critique: OW!
Student of Ojutai
Back from a brief interlude to enjoy my favorite Michael Jackson hits of the '80s, I return to this. Here is fixed prowess that does more than just pump creatures up again. This time it gains life on a Gatekeeper style dude. I'll note again for any players inexperienced enough to not understand: dealing damage is better than gaining life. It better be a lot of life in one blow like the green Gatekeeper we all miss soooo much in Standard Pauper, a format where mass lifegain can make matches go ridiculously long (mainly because WotC completely ignores the format when designing commons). So I can't see this card being good to begin with. But I can see it getting really, really annoying if it ends up being good. Nobody wants that. I also don't need students thinking they know enough about enlightenment to be spouting off about it in the flavor text. I'm giving this kid an "F" and redirecting him to Brad Warner's Hardcore Zen page to re-read the bit about the "E" word.
Cabel's Critique: FAIL
Territorial Roc
Now it comes down to it. The last card in the last color for my first critique of a new set. I'd like to be nice and finish on a high note, but my voice is already strained from my corny Michael Jackson joke two cards ago. And here I have another one: this card can just Beat It. Just like the Blue bird that started that color's critiques, this White flyer should have been given some kind of Dragon flavor to make Dragons of Tarkir a true Dragons set at every rarity level for every Magic player, including us Paupers.
But they didn't do that. So the fact that NO common Dragons exist here is my biggest set-wide criticism. Wizards has failed us miserably in failing to provide some common dragons in THE Dragons set of all Dragons sets. That is a mistake that I am not prepared to tolerate or forgive.
The Blue guy should have been a Dragon. Dragon Hatchling should have been reprinted in Red. Green should have got some kind of wingless Dragon with reach. Black should have gotten something draconian. And White's 1/3 flyer for 1W should have been some kind of miniature dragon. Otherwise, there are much better options at this mana cost if you want a low-power, high-toughness dude in the air to block groundlings long enough to survive until it can be sent in on offense. Try Sungrace Pegasus and buy yourself some extra time. As it stands, this bird may be territorial, but he's not good enough to occupy any space in Standard Pauper deck lists.
Cabel's Critique: FAIL
And there you have it! Every single common in the new release, Dragons of Tarkir, from the unique perspective of the awesome Standard Pauper format. I strongly believe that it was well worth the time and effort put forth in giving each and every new card a critical look from this standpoint, even if Wizards of the Coast is so ignorant and insulting as to refuse to acknowledge the existence o this format.
Well, it does exist. It's very frustrating and demoralizing to have to do all this work in support of an incredibly affordable and entertaining way to play Magic and have the company that prints these cards - the good, the bad, and the fail - not even let players know that it is a way to play. But is it. And in less than week, those of us who play this mostly Online-only format, the revolutionaries who insist that we should not be priced out of enjoying this incredible game competitively, will be able to enjoy this cool new set, Dragons of Tarkir.
Pick your colors, select your commons, find them for sale for rock bottom prices after purchasing your first few boosters and/or Fat Packs (See? Pauper drives sales!), and get your decks built: Standard Pauper events In Real Life start in less than a week, hosted by me, Cabel the Pauper! Stay tuned for more information and a report back on how the events went. Until then, please feel free to criticize my overly-critical and too-lengthy critiques in the comments and thanks for reading, good luck, and have fun! Peace,
- C
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